I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
