i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
