I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
