I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
