taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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