Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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