Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
