Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
