Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
