you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he fucked my hip out of place.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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