You can't motorboat a personality
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
