We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
