Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
