Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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