I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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