A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
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He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
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You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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