I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
