just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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