A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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