she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
