Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
