So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
