Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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