when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
