he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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