my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
