I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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