Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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