Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
