dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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