I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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