Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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