one two three fourrrrnication!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
