What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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