Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
