I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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