trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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