My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
