After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize