My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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