Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
