Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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