and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
