I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
