i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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