You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i barfeds in our rink
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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