the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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