I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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