If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
