he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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