i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
