I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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