btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
