I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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