Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
