life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
