i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
