I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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