So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The best revenge is premature balding
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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