Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
