I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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