i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize