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• (970): View more from Colorado

  last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!

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• (408): View more from California

  I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate

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• (347): View more from New York

  she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  drunk tastebuds have low standards.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I hear you

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• (209): View more from California

  I will pee on everything he values.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...

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• (904): View more from Florida

  You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.

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• (714): View more from California

  I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  I was just power-washing my vagina.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.

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• (415): View more from California

  It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.

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