Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things