The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
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We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START