Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  is your mom at the bar?

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  (586): is your mom at the bar? http://tfl.nu/5mmf
  Replies (4) Good night (2989) Bad night (1267)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?

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  (612): What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home? http://tfl.nu/fztn
  Replies (98) Good night (5161) Bad night (54626)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.

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  (240): I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way. http://tfl.nu/5yxg
  Replies (26) Good night (4228) Bad night (1615)
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  (909): View more from California

  Would you still love me if I had no teeth

  (1-909): View more from California

  Yeah why?

  (909): View more from California

  Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone

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  (909): Would you still love me if I had no teeth (1-909): Yeah why? (909): Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone http://tfl.nu/a6a1
  Replies (34) Good night (1511) Bad night (11821)
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  (650): View more from California

  Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th

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  (650): Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th http://tfl.nu/8el9
  Replies (16) Good night (2172) Bad night (4507)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.

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  (314): Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American. http://tfl.nu/y4zk
  Replies (8) Good night (2855) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.

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  (727): This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade. http://tfl.nu/uwxc
  Replies (3) Good night (1441) Bad night (862)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.

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  (815): Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience. http://tfl.nu/8crb
  Replies (8) Good night (2076) Bad night (643)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram

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  (508): in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram http://tfl.nu/qw4a
  Replies (12) Good night (775) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Get you some cowboy.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.

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  (832): Get you some cowboy. (832): In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself. http://tfl.nu/cgrb
  Replies (6) Good night (1049) Bad night (447)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure

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  (787): I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure http://tfl.nu/bq2q
  Replies (2) Good night (361) Bad night (595)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.

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  (406): Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around. http://tfl.nu/38zv
  Replies (1) Good night (448) Bad night (251)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!

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  (718): I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID! http://tfl.nu/uzuv
  Replies (2) Good night (339) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"

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  (214): His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP" http://tfl.nu/swif
  Replies (2) Good night (550) Bad night (261)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?

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  (508): Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"? http://tfl.nu/vwsz
  Replies (2) Good night (529) Bad night (293)

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