last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
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I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I will pee on everything he values.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
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Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.