party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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