I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
