While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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