i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
That accounts for only three of the penises
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
