Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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