Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just gift wrapped bread.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
