My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
